Alice Walker, Blicke vom Tigerrücken, Gedichte English-Deutsch, Rowohlt, 1995, page 24
Never offer your heart to someone who eats hearts
Never offer your heart
to someone who eats hearts
who finds heartmeat
but not rare
who sucks the juices
drop by drop
like a God.
Never offer your heart
to a heart gravy lover.
Your stewed, overseasoned
he will sop up your grief
and send it shuttling
from side to side
in his mouth
If you find yourself
with a person
who eats hearts
you must do:
Freeze your heart
Let him – next time
he examines your chest –
find your heart cold
flinty and unappetizing.
Refrain from kissing
lest he in revenge
dampen the spark
in your soul.
sail away to Africa
where holy women
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As is usual, I missed a prompt about trust from the Daily Post recently. I just don’t always have time to check in, and then my blog languishes and I let it go a little longer, and a little longer.
However, that prompt, about trust, is a big one for me. I’ve had some of the most monumental bits of my trust shaken in the last year and a half – things that built the backbone of who I was and who I wanted to be. Trust in others, yes, but trust in myself, too. My ability to make judgments, and reasoning and my skill in evaluating others. I think nothing is so disappointing as losing trust in yourself.
My 9 year old son has been struggling with trust lately. He’s balancing a child’s natural selfishness (he wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it, like all 9 year old boys) with understanding that being a trustworthy person is an important part of his personal standards – his integrity is developing right now. It’s brilliant to watch it grow.
He recently broke a rule for the second time, after promising not to do it again. I asked him to write me a short essay on what trust meant, and what it meant for us to trust him and for him to trust us. I think he’s pretty insightful. I think he’s taught me a lesson.
It’s the right thing to do
It is very important for your parents to trust you and for you to trust them. If you can’t be trusted with a certain object, you won’t have that object again. It is your responsibility to follow and respect the rules. You hae to remember that if you do this, if you do that, you will probably get in big trouble. This is why you need your parents to trust you. You need to trust your parents because they will help you in bad situations when you are being attacked or robbed.
The reason I got into trouble was that I was watching a YouTuber that swore and it was not right. They say bad things about people and game. Descriptively, they are mean, horrible and terrible at times in their videos, as well as other things like apps and creations by other people. They sometimes do gender abuse toward women which I do not appreciate. Though habits are strong, we can always overcome their ability to convince us as it’s the right thing to do.
Authors: Tony Attwood, Isabelle Henault, Nick Durbin
It is not difficult to understand that individuals with hampered ability to recognize social cues, interpret interpersonal data, and process the long term outcome of antecedent/behavior/consequence will at some point also have hampered ability in the realm of sexuality. The premise of this book is to take a specific circumstance, that of Nick Dubin, and make that circumstance tangible and educational for individuals affected by Autism, their families, care providers, doctors, therapists, and legal counsel. That is a lot to ask of one book. Unfortunately it falls short of the mark, not because it doesn’t aim properly, but because some of the contributors don’t make the effort to put power into their pull.
Dubin’s tale is disturbing because it is both relatable and abhorrent. His story will be particularly difficult to accept by those who were victims of childhood abuse. At the same time, so much of the story is believable and creates compassion for Nick and his family. Nick’s chapter and his mother’s chapter are least beneficial in terms of actual education and material. By contrast, Nick’s father’s chapter is gripping, and filled with applicable information from the very beginning. It is worth the read of this book simply for this section. It may have been preferable to have an entire book written in this voice.
Tony Attwood’s section is perhaps the most disappointing. His section reads like a university psychology student’s homework assignment, writing 500 words based on a bullet list of subjects. Considering some of the monumentally influential work Attwood has contributed to the field of ASD literature, it is disappointing. He does include a nice list of reading suggestions for the reader to pick up from their local library or bookstore, if they are seeking more specific information.
Dr. Isabelle Henault’s section concludes the book, and is secondary only to the section written by Nick’s father. Henault does the work that we previously expected of Attwood, as she takes the reader through developing sexuality, how social and relational deficits in conjunction with targeted bullying and conflicting sexual sensory data can cause those on the autism spectrum, particularly those with Asperger’s Syndrome, to struggle with their sexual identity. Many will confuse issues of privacy and legality. Henault provides information for therapists and psychologists, assisting them in identifying risk factors and in assisting their clients as they navigate this new and confusing territory.
This book is not for those who are teaching emerging adolescents about their sexuality. Books on that subject matter, such as Sexuality and Relationship Education for Children and Adolescents With Autism Spectrum Disorders by Davida Hartman, are great guides on the specifics of adolescence and sexuality. The Autism Spectrum, Sexuality, and the Law is appropriate for those who feel they, or their clients, are already struggling with this intense issue.
*Review originally appeared in the Psychology section of Library Journal
Posted in Autism, Education, Library Journal, Reviews, Writing | Tagged asperger's syndrome, autism, autism spectrum disorder, book review, Isabelle Henault, law, Nick Dubin, psychology, review, sex, sexual abuse, sexuality, Tony Attwood | Leave a Comment »