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I have been in the UK for a bit over a year now.  While I do love it here, I still miss home sometimes.  The recent losses in my life have made living here even more difficult.  Some days I struggle to find the positive.  

On that note, it’s also not generally in my nature to be depressed, or angry, or pessimistic (ok, so maybe a little pessimistic).  I try to keep things light. I don’t want to be a sourpuss, with bitchy resting face.  So I sat down and decided to think of some really positive things that I am enjoying in my life RIGHT THIS SECOND.  And, at each subsequent second during the typing of this blog post. 

1. England is GORGEOUS.  I’m serious.  It is one of the most beautiful places that I’ve ever been.  And every part of it that I’ve been to is beautiful – even the closer quarters of the city of London.  But I’ve been many places in the north of England, I’ve been to Scotland, and I’ve been to Wales.  I’ve been blown away by the scenery.  I’ve been on the school run and actually gasped at the way the clouds seem close enough to touch, or the sun shines on the bottom of them and makes the sky light up in oranges, reds, and yellows.  Everything is green.  Everything is gorgeous.

 

In Aber Falls, North Wales

In Aber Falls, North Wales

 

Aber Falls, North Wales

Aber Falls, North Wales

2.  I am in a constant state of amusement and/or befuddlement at the way modern life is lived here.  This really is fun – trying to figure out why people still iron everything (because the washers and dryers are so tiny that they leave major creases and wrinkles in the clothing).  Or, why there are two buttons to flush a toilet.  It doesn’t matter which you choose, one of them won’t work, and the best option is to always push both buttons down at the same time.  The good thing is that there are almost never flush handles, so all of you sick, disgusting people who flush the toilet with your shoes would be out of luck (you know who you are!). 

3.  Everything is a Monty Python sketch.  Ok, not everything, but enough to make me widen my eyes in wonder and then laugh.  I thought the whole “It’s only a Flesh Wound” sketch from Holy Grail was a gross exaggeration. Then I watched a stoic British man break his leg, brush off all offers of assistance, sit on the side of the gymnasium watching us finish our workout, then walk to the parking lot with us, and insisted on carrying his own bag! It was only after he got home that he realized he might need to get to the A&E. So, there you have it.  Monty Python is true. TRUE!

4.  Roller Derby.  Yes, Roller Derby.  My lovely friend Rachael inspired me to try out with her, and we did it together, and then a bunch of other things happened.  But I am still skating 8 months later, and hope to actually bout soon.  I’ve learned a lot about myself on this journey.  I will blog more about derby later.  It’s enough that it needs its own post. 

Those are a few of my favorite things, or at least things that I find amusing and enigmatic about the United Kingdom.  There will be more, I promise.  I’m off to skate now!

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i’m here

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Speke Hall……

Beautiful picture of Speke Hall.

therightprofileimages's avatarThe right profile

speke hall

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More Transitions

I am not certain whether I should leave the title of the blog as Transitions.  It seems that one transition barely ends before another begins.  In my life, I am changed by transitions and losses so frequently that I wonder if the state of change is, itself, the story of life.

We have been living in the UK for  a year now.  A year ago, we were excited about the adventure of living in a new country.  We were experiencing everything.  And we have.  I still adore almost everything about  England, especially the Liverpool region. There have been bad points, serious lows, actually.  I have been rejected based upon things out of my control, my place of birth, my religious background.  That is a sharp kind of pain.

On the other hand, I have been loved and accepted unconditionally by other groups of people. I have made new friendships that I know will grow and last a lifetime. I have support and kindness and love in my life.  I am thankful for that on a daily basis.

About 6 weeks ago, my mom called me.  She told me that she hoped I would be able to come back soon to visit, that my dad’s illness was progressing, and that she wanted to talk about the future with me. DH and I did what we could to make that happen quickly, even pulling the kids out of school early and coming to the US at a rather great expense.  You see, Mom just didn’t talk like that unless it was urgent. I wanted to give credence to her words.

We did come soon, and we did visit, and Mom and I did talk about the future.  Dad is very ill and his illness is progressive. So we talked about all of the eventualities – My Mom, My Dad, my brother, and I.

Then Mom had a heart attack.  Unexpectedly, she passed away on August 1.

I think pain hits you harder when it is unexpected. You are moving along in life and suddenly something flies at you from a direction you are not looking.  There’s no preparing for that, and I think sometimes preparing can blunt the blow.

And I’ve learned that grief does not meld with grief, that grief stacks on top of grief.  Because you are grieving one thing does not mean a new grief happening at the same time will absorb into the other grief.  There is a lot of grief stacked here.

What helps with that grief is those people, those ones I mentioned above, whose unconditional love and acceptance and support is offered.  I have been blessed to have those people on both sides of the Atlantic shore.  I have them here, on the Pacific shore.  I have them the world over, demonstrated by family and friendship and love. They talk to me, they remember my grief, they seek me out when I am trying to hide.  They read between the lines.

Thank you. You will never know how much it has helped.

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Well cited summation.

Lauren Nelson's avatarRethink the Rant

TRIGGER WARNING:

The following includes descriptions, photos, and video that may serve as a trigger for victims of sexual violence.
Please be advised. 

Someone asked me today, “What is ‘rape culture’ anyway? I’m tired of hearing about it.”

Yeah, I hear ya. I’m tired of talking about it. But I’m going to keep talking about it because people like you keep asking that question.

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, no one says, “Stop.”

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, they can’t get anyone to come forward.

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and adults are informed of it, but no consequences are doled out because the boys “said nothing happened.”

Rape culture is when a group…

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We are sort of settling in.  We’ve been trying to sort things, but we have more luggage than we’ve got space, and the apartment is surprisingly hard to keep in any sort of order.  The laundry is driving me CRAZY.  I’m sure I’m doing this wrong, but I cannot get the laundry machine to dry any clothing.  I’ve tried every variation on the cycle that I can. I can’t seem to set the dry cycle to go on its own, and it won’t dry after a wash cycle – everything is still soaking wet afterward.  This is the culprit:

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I do not understand it AT ALL.  And the logical thing (the wash cycles appear to be red, while the dry cycles appear to be the blue/purple colored one.  But you can’t select one SEPARATELY from the other. And the dry cycle doesn’t dry all the way, so if you try to start again doing just a dry cycle, it washes the damn clothing again. I will call the desk tomorrow and ask for a remedial lesson on laundry.  And feel like the stupidest American when I’m done hearing it, I’m sure. I am really missing my gargantuan washer and dryer machine – separate like God and Country intended!

In other news, we’ve had a lovely few days just relaxing, adjusting (albeit slowly) to the time change, and trying to convince the boys that they will really love it here.  We’ve explored a lot of Liverpool 1 – mostly the shops, though today we went down by Albert dock and walked around. 

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The weather was less lovely than  yesterday, as you can see.

The city is full of Beatles fans and Beatles attractions this weekend, as it is the Mathews Street Festival. It’s apparently a VERY BIG DEAL. 😀 We will take the boys to cruise the shows and bands tomorrow, and we will also head up to St. Luke’s if the weather is good so I can try to get some photos. It was one of my favorite places that I found last time I was here. I would like to teach the boys a bit about its history.

Anyway, today we went past Albert Dock, considered stopping in at the Pump House for lunch (missed Angela and Jillian!) and ended up riding the Echo Ferris Wheel. I will end this post with a photo dump of some of our pictures from the day.

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Albert Dock.

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Olympians!

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This is what Jet Lag looks like.

 

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Boys on the Echo Wheel.

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Rain on the way up.

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Sun on the way down.

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We all lived in the Yellow Submarine (apartment boat for rent).

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This is what I love most about living over here.  Seriously. You think I’m kidding?

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Bridge Street

I have been negligent in posting to this blog.  Part of the reason is that I went into a pretty good funk after the delays in our Visa process caused us to lose the lovely Ashtor house.  As we all know, sometimes things happen for a reason, and after some questionable shenanigans on the part of the owner/leasing agent of Ashtor, it is probably a good thing.  Still, I had my heart set on that pretentious little (big) house.

I did get to spend a lot of time with people that I love.  We stayed in California the entire time during the delay, which meant beach time, cousin time, parent time, and nephew time.  Less friend time than I wanted, though I spent some good time with Elizabeth and with Tim, Tara, and Misha.  I will miss everyone! Next time we are in California, I am prioritizing a get-together with Paul, Melanie, and their boys as well as with Kellie and her gang.

Anyway, we have arrived in Liverpool! We are staying at  Bridge street apartments, which is right in the heart of downtown Liverpool, or L1.  This is ideal for me – I love L1 and I stroll the streets and shops as I get the chance.  The boys are loving it too – we have seen a Krispy Kreme kiosk, have visited Thornton’s chocolate shop, and they even had Pizza for their first dinner here, despite my protests.  We also visited a media shop to buy UK chargers for their DS systems.

The apartment is a bit of a mess – cluttered up with all of our bags and stuff.  This is driving me slightly crazy but I’ve managed to unpack the majority of them.  Storage is a problem in terms of the empty bags, so they are piled up on top of Roscoe’s crate in the corner.  Also, the bathrooms have one small shelf, and no place to hide toiletries.  Eyesore!  🙂

We are scheduled to view some houses – please send housing mojo.  Jay is at work, the boys and I are about to head out in search of lunch.  Ta!

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I looked down on the countdown timer for the move.  It clicked over to 1 month.  How is that possible?  I surely still have two months left, don’t I?

Things are happening rapidly and are a bit mind-numbing at the same time.  We have so many details flying around our heads that we’re just flowing along trying to make sure we do not forget anything.  We’ve managed to get everyone in for a last check up at the dentist and gathered everyone’s dental records as well.  We’re working on the medical records for all the boys now, and the eye-gouging process of attaining mine and DH’s.  Ours are scattered at several different “specialty” offices.  Ugh.

DH leaves for Liverpool on the 25th, and he won’t return this time.  He will remain there and work until we get there.  I am flying to Liverpool (Manchester, actually) on the 4th of May.  I will stay there until Friday, May 11th.  During that time we will be  looking at schools and at houses.

We’ve finalized our housing allowance and to say it is generous is an understatement.  The houses in that range are extremely nice. EXTREMELY.  Now the process will come down to which house will let us bring our dog.  Oh, Roscoe.  You tricky little thing, you.

Schooling is still all a bit vague.  I’m told we really can’t do anything about the schools until we get there.  But, not to buy or rent a house until we know which school we’ll be in.  But that we can’t apply to any school until we have a permanent address.  How does this make sense?  Ohio Virtual Academy is looking more and more appealing.

I am also in the market for a vehicle lease.  We will have a generous vehicle allowance (roughly 450 pounds per month), but I don’t know what that will get us there or what we should worry about in terms of insurance fees, taxes, etc. Any advice on that would be appreciated.

This is really happening.  Now if only I can stop stress eating and get back to exercising so I don’t fit the stereotype of the overweight American.  Is that still a stereotype?

 

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A few years ago, shortly after I had DS3 and was in the midst of a pretty severe case of PPD, I took on a project that I didn’t think I would be able to do.  I adopted an 1880’s piano, and vowed to restore it. 

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I found him on Freecycle, of all places.  He was in pretty poor shape aesthetically; his poor beautiful wood had been painted several times, and had the clumpy remnants of it.  But he was pretty sound, essentially, and his voice was lovely if a bit hoarse from age.  I had to call a piano repairman to make sure his insides were still healthy.  He received a relatively clean bill of health – he would always have quirks and would never be playing Music Hall, but he’d be perfect for a family with three boys, a dog, and a mama who loves piano but cannot play herself.  My repairman took him apart to put give him new keys, and I commenced a six (or was it nine?) month project of paint removal, sanding, staining, and varnishing.  The piano repairman told me to call him when I was done and he’d bring the new keys to replace the old ones that were broken, and also put the cantankerous old man back together.  But by that time, I knew him so well, I put his parts back together myself.

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He’s pretty grumpy; a few of his keys stick and he gets moody.  But he’s great with the boys and he loves it when they play on him. I count him among my greatest accomplishments in this lifetime.  And the accomplishment of this, in no small part, helped me realize that the PPD was not my eternal state of being, or a punishment without end in sight for my perceived failures as a mom.  He was my therapy.

I find myself needing to say goodbye to him, after I told him and DH that I never would.  But there is no way to bring him with us overseas (Who would have thought we’d be going overseas?!).  I’m hopeful I can find him a good adoptive home.  I don’t think he will last in storage without constant care and maintenance (Typing that makes me feel guilty because he’s way overdue for a tuning!).  I really don’t want to say goodbye to him; it’s as saddening to say goodbye to him as it is to say goodbye to my friends – and isn’t that silly?

Thank you, pianoman, for the hours of therapy, for filling my house with music, for being there for my children to beat on and eventually to play music on.  Thank  you for being something my hands could make beautiful, even if it were not by playing your keys myself. 

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This is the view from DH’s hotel room:

Liverpool - Albert Dock

I’m thinking I want to go there, even if I do have to wear my winter coat all year long.

Today has been hectic and full. I spent a good portion of time yesterday scanning in all the birth certificates and social security cards, passports and transcripts for documentation needed. I have to write up a CV (I’ve never done that before) for my work Visa. Now to make my part time gigs of the last 12 years look interesting and exciting and competent. Ha.

I took the dog to the veterinarian to get his microchip installed. He has to be microchipped 21 days before we leave – this will give us a bit of cushion. He also has to be given a rabies vaccine *after* the microchip is installed. In other words, even though he had his booster less than a month ago, he gets to have another. Poor guy. Anyway, he will be in the kennel for the next week while we’re on spring break and THANK ALL THE HEAVENS there is no dog in the house right now. Sometimes he’s more work than the kids.

We got the numbers from DH’s work on our housing allowance and what they will cover for utilities, etc. To say it is generous is an understatement. I received the information, plugged it into rightmove.co.uk, and saw aristocratic manse houses turn up in the search results. I don’t want to clean that, thank you very much, and as generous as the allowance is, it does not include money for a housekeeper. They’re lovely manse houses, though. Lovely!

The entirely unhelpful relocation company has been fired by DH’s boss. I’m not sure when we get a new one, but am looking at schools in the areas we’re interested in. I’m going to just cross my fingers and hope for the best, knowing that the worst case scenario is that we homeschool the boys using Ohio Virtual Academy. And really, how worst case scenario is that? It’s a pretty awesome option, actually.

DH didn’t have to work at the hospital today, so he went walking in Liverpool, down to the train station and around the ferris wheel and carousel on the docks. He couldn’t get over how easy it will be to get to London. He’s getting more and more excited as the days go on. It’s palpable when we chat on Skype. He’s really into this! It makes me more excited as well, as if I weren’t already, moving close to some of my best friends and loves ever. ❤

So much more to do today: I need to take the kids to get their passport pictures taken in a bit. DS2 asked, "Why do we need passport pictures?". Can't get anything by that one. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep it from them. We might need to push our information sharing date forward.

Paper due today on – wait for it – Temple Grandin. I could write this one in my sleep. It's all about autism, actually, since the class is Abnormal Psychology. I am excited to tell you I'm pretty sure I'll finish my grad school at Liverpool University. Well, I need to do more research, but it certainly makes sense!

I have so many things going in my head, I am sure I'm forgetting something I wanted to say. But I'm also packing this evening to go to Virginia and Washington D.C. for spring break with the boys and DH. All you burglars who are reading my blog better watch out – the neighbor is keeping an eye on the place and he's vicious with a baseball bat!

So much. SO MUCH. Deep breaths.

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