Beautiful picture of Speke Hall.
I am not certain whether I should leave the title of the blog as Transitions. It seems that one transition barely ends before another begins. In my life, I am changed by transitions and losses so frequently that I wonder if the state of change is, itself, the story of life.
We have been living in the UK for a year now. A year ago, we were excited about the adventure of living in a new country. We were experiencing everything. And we have. I still adore almost everything about England, especially the Liverpool region. There have been bad points, serious lows, actually. I have been rejected based upon things out of my control, my place of birth, my religious background. That is a sharp kind of pain.
On the other hand, I have been loved and accepted unconditionally by other groups of people. I have made new friendships that I know will grow and last a lifetime. I have support and kindness and love in my life. I am thankful for that on a daily basis.
About 6 weeks ago, my mom called me. She told me that she hoped I would be able to come back soon to visit, that my dad’s illness was progressing, and that she wanted to talk about the future with me. DH and I did what we could to make that happen quickly, even pulling the kids out of school early and coming to the US at a rather great expense. You see, Mom just didn’t talk like that unless it was urgent. I wanted to give credence to her words.
We did come soon, and we did visit, and Mom and I did talk about the future. Dad is very ill and his illness is progressive. So we talked about all of the eventualities – My Mom, My Dad, my brother, and I.
Then Mom had a heart attack. Unexpectedly, she passed away on August 1.
I think pain hits you harder when it is unexpected. You are moving along in life and suddenly something flies at you from a direction you are not looking. There’s no preparing for that, and I think sometimes preparing can blunt the blow.
And I’ve learned that grief does not meld with grief, that grief stacks on top of grief. Because you are grieving one thing does not mean a new grief happening at the same time will absorb into the other grief. There is a lot of grief stacked here.
What helps with that grief is those people, those ones I mentioned above, whose unconditional love and acceptance and support is offered. I have been blessed to have those people on both sides of the Atlantic shore. I have them here, on the Pacific shore. I have them the world over, demonstrated by family and friendship and love. They talk to me, they remember my grief, they seek me out when I am trying to hide. They read between the lines.
Thank you. You will never know how much it has helped.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged California, Dad, family, friends, grief, Mom | 2 Comments »
Posted in Travel | Leave a Comment »
One of the advantages of living in the UK is an easier access to many places that would be inaccessible to me, for reasons of time, money, convenience, etc. in the US. When we moved to Liverpool, we decided we wanted to see as much of those places as we could possibly manage. Affordability is still an issue because we are, after all, a family of five, which opens up logistical issues. Most “package” vacations are marketed to families of four, or more commonly to couples. We have to pay for an extra room, because most hotels will only sleep a maximum of four to a room. Package excursions are also usually marketed to numbers divisible by two. Smart of us to go with the odd number, isn’t it?
Anyway, the first such excursion we’ve managed, besides a long weekend trip to Scotland, was a week long stay in Corfu, Greece. The seaside village of Sidari is where our resort was located, and our hotel, the Panorama Sidari Village Hotel, was fairly accommodating to our odd-numbered selves.
But, oh, back to the beginning –
We flew out on May 24th, late in the evening. We’d booked the entire vacation through Thomas Cook, which had its good points and its bad. The first of the bad was that they were horribly mismanaged on that first Friday of a week long holiday. I don’t know if they didn’t look at their own flight manifests, but they only had four agents checking in hundreds of people. The line just to check in (there was no online check in option on our tickets, for some strange reason) took us over an hour. They had to pull people from the line to take them up to the front as their flights were getting too close to takeoff and if they’d remained in that line they would never have made it. The agents who normally checked in the special customers (I suppose the ones who paid extra for fast check in?) were busy with the near-departures. Our boys were infinitely patient, and I’m thankful for them. We then had to wait in line for security for only a slightly shorter amount of time. It’s a good thing I get to the airport early, always.
Anyhow, after all that we were in through the gate and on our way without further incident. Our flight arrived in Corfu at 4am local time. This is the good thing about booking through Thomas Cook: I didn’t have to think about anything. I got off the plane, we got our bags, we were bussed to the resort, quickly checked in and in bed for a nap without incident.
Our first day at the resort, we sort of overslept for breakfast (that whole getting in a 4 am thing meant we didn’t get to sleep until around 7am). It was only 2 hours til lunch time though, so we decided to check out our balcony. We saw this:
Well, that was one side of the balcony. The other side was this:
For all the serious, our hotel was amazing. The views were amazing, and could be found at every turn, because we were up on a hill above the beach. The walk up to the rooms was pretty intense, but they do have a shuttle bus that runs you from the bottom of the hill to the rooms (ostensibly) every 10 minutes. The pool was lovely, with a bar open during pool hours that served drinks, ice cream, and snacks (the sausage rolls were a hit with the boys). Here is the pool:
We could always find a sunbed/sunchair.The resort wasn’t terribly crowded, though I think it was more crowded than usual because of British half-term holidays, which indicates that it would be safe to say it won’t get intensely overcrowded like some resorts.
The food was actually surprisingly good! I had read some reviews that said it wasn’t the best. I think part of that is that they were balancing a line between those British people who are creatures of habit and averse to trying new foods (there are a lot of them, trust me!) and the people who wanted to try the local menu. For my part, there was a gorgeous salad bar every day that beat the pants off any salads I’ve had since being in the UK. I hadn’t realized how much I missed a proper salad! But they did their best to include standard fare (beans on toast) for the first group, and then delicious local things for the rest of us (moussaka, gyros, and Soutzoukakia were some of the best samplings I had). The staff were always pleasant and accomodating in the dining room, though the evening staff at the front desk was more pleasant than the morning staff.
The rooms were all well-sized, and they were not luxurious but they were more thanadequate. The beds were HARD, like, if there was one thing they should do better at this hotel, it would be GET BETTER BEDS. I ended up taking one of the pool float-beds and using it for a mattress on my twin bed. Yes, because of our 5 person party, we had two twin rooms with an extra twin pullout in one of them. Not for a romantic trip, this one.
The town of Sidari itself is sweet – very small and easy to walk the entirety of it. The walk to the beach from the hotel is only 5 minutes, and it takes about 10 to walk through the whole town if you don’t stop in any of the shops. MOST of the people you see/talk with are from the UK or are expats. The entertainment crew at the resorts are brought in by the travel agencies to organize activities. The bartenders/servers/shop workers are the only actual locals you will meet, and they speak English with you. In other words, this is the holiday for the tourist, not a holiday to immerse yourself in local culture. The village is nice and has a few places to eat and drink that we found very pleasant. B.E.D. (Beverage, Entertainment, Dinig) on the main street was fabulous for a morning breakfast or an afternoon to sit, use the WiFi, and have a drink while sitting on the back patio overlooking the beach. They had sunchairs out back and a swingset for the kids. We went there several times, but not in the evenings, so we can’t speak to the entertainment portion of it. Another place we enjoyed was Pleasures, a small cafe that served crepes and some sinful desserts. I had the Gyro Crepe which was just fantastic.
Sidari village at night.
Day Trips were available through Thomas Cook at the resort, but we saved about 100 Euro going through the little travel shop in town. Exact same trip, exact same boats, just much less expensive through Vlasseros travel, and the guides/drivers/agents were all very pleasant and polite. We did two trips through them – one to Paleokastritstra and Bella Vista, and the other a boat cruise along the coast to Kassiopi. I’d have liked to have spent more time in Kassiopi, as it was LOVELY but we were a bit limited in time by the bus schedule.
This post is getting a bit long and rambly. I am sure I have more to say on this but I’ve also got three boys who have chicken pox (INORITE?!?) and must go put them to bed.
I will leave you with one more gorgeous picture. G’night!
Posted in Travel | Tagged Corfu, Greece | Leave a Comment »
One of the advantages of living in the UK is an easier access to many places that would be inaccessible to me, for reasons of time, money, convenience, etc. in the US. When we moved to Liverpool, we decided we wanted to see as much of those places as we could possibly manage. Affordability is still an issue because we are, after all, a family of five, which opens up logistical issues. Most “package” vacations are marketed to families of four, or more commonly to couples. We have to pay for an extra room, because most hotels will only sleep a maximum of four to a room. Package excursions are also usually marketed to numbers divisible by two. Smart of us to go with the odd number, isn’t it?
Anyway, the first such excursion we’ve managed, besides a long weekend trip to Scotland, was a week long stay in Corfu, Greece. The seaside village of Sidari is where our resort was located, and our hotel, the Panorama Sidari Village Hotel, was fairly accommodating to our odd-numbered selves.
But, oh, back to the beginning –
We flew out on May 24th, late in the evening. We’d booked the entire vacation through Thomas Cook, which had its good points and its bad. The first of the bad was that they were horribly mismanaged on that first Friday of a week long holiday. I don’t know if they didn’t look at their own flight manifests, but they only had four agents checking in hundreds of people. The line just to check in (there was no online check in option on our tickets, for some strange reason) took us over an hour. They had to pull people from the line to take them up to the front as their flights were getting too close to takeoff and if they’d remained in that line they would never have made it. The agents who normally checked in the special customers (I suppose the ones who paid extra for fast check in?) were busy with the near-departures. Our boys were infinitely patient, and I’m thankful for them. We then had to wait in line for security for only a slightly shorter amount of time. It’s a good thing I get to the airport early, always.
Anyhow, after all that we were in through the gate and on our way without further incident. Our flight arrived in Corfu at 4am local time. This is the good thing about booking through Thomas Cook: I didn’t have to think about anything. I got off the plane, we got our bags, we were bussed to the resort, quickly checked in and in bed for a nap without incident.
Our first day at the resort, we sort of overslept for breakfast (that whole getting in a 4 am thing meant we didn’t get to sleep until around 7am). It was only 2 hours til lunch time though, so we decided to check out our balcony. We saw this:
Well, that was one side of the balcony. The other side was this:
For all the serious, our hotel was amazing. The views were amazing, and could be found at every turn, because we were up on a hill above the beach. The walk up to the rooms was pretty intense, but they do have a shuttle bus that runs you from the bottom of the hill to the rooms (ostensibly) every 10 minutes. The pool was lovely, with a bar open during pool hours that served drinks, ice cream, and snacks (the sausage rolls were a hit with the boys). Here is the pool:
We could always find a sunbed/sunchair.The resort wasn’t terribly crowded, though I think it was more crowded than usual because of British half-term holidays, which indicates that it would be safe to say it won’t get intensely overcrowded like some resorts.
The food was actually surprisingly good! I had read some reviews that said it wasn’t the best. I think part of that is that they were balancing a line between those British people who are creatures of habit and averse to trying new foods (there are a lot of them, trust me!) and the people who wanted to try the local menu. For my part, there was a gorgeous salad bar every day that beat the pants off any salads I’ve had since being in the UK. I hadn’t realized how much I missed a proper salad! But they did their best to include standard fare (beans on toast) for the first group, and then delicious local things for the rest of us (moussaka, gyros, and Soutzoukakia were some of the best samplings I had). The staff were always pleasant and accomodating in the dining room, though the evening staff at the front desk was more pleasant than the morning staff.
The rooms were all well-sized, and they were not luxurious but they were more thanadequate. The beds were HARD, like, if there was one thing they should do better at this hotel, it would be GET BETTER BEDS. I ended up taking one of the pool float-beds and using it for a mattress on my twin bed. Yes, because of our 5 person party, we had two twin rooms with an extra twin pullout in one of them. Not for a romantic trip, this one.
The town of Sidari itself is sweet – very small and easy to walk the entirety of it. The walk to the beach from the hotel is only 5 minutes, and it takes about 10 to walk through the whole town if you don’t stop in any of the shops. MOST of the people you see/talk with are from the UK or are expats. The entertainment crew at the resorts are brought in by the travel agencies to organize activities. The bartenders/servers/shop workers are the only actual locals you will meet, and they speak English with you. In other words, this is the holiday for the tourist, not a holiday to immerse yourself in local culture. The village is nice and has a few places to eat and drink that we found very pleasant. B.E.D. (Beverage, Entertainment, Dinig) on the main street was fabulous for a morning breakfast or an afternoon to sit, use the WiFi, and have a drink while sitting on the back patio overlooking the beach. They had sunchairs out back and a swingset for the kids. We went there several times, but not in the evenings, so we can’t speak to the entertainment portion of it. Another place we enjoyed was Pleasures, a small cafe that served crepes and some sinful desserts. I had the Gyro Crepe which was just fantastic.
Sidari village at night.
Day Trips were available through Thomas Cook at the resort, but we saved about 100 Euro going through the little travel shop in town. Exact same trip, exact same boats, just much less expensive through Vlasseros travel, and the guides/drivers/agents were all very pleasant and polite. We did two trips through them – one to Paleokastritstra and Bella Vista, and the other a boat cruise along the coast to Kassiopi. I’d have liked to have spent more time in Kassiopi, as it was LOVELY but we were a bit limited in time by the bus schedule.
This post is getting a bit long and rambly. I am sure I have more to say on this but I’ve also got three boys who have chicken pox (INORITE?!?) and must go put them to bed.
I will leave you with one more gorgeous picture. G’night!
Posted in Travel | Tagged B.E.D., Bella Vista, Corfu, Greece, Kassiopi, Panorama Sidari Village, Pleasures, Sidari, Thomas Cook, travel, trips, Vlasseros travel | 4 Comments »
Well cited summation.
TRIGGER WARNING:
The following includes descriptions, photos, and video that may serve as a trigger for victims of sexual violence.
Please be advised.
Someone asked me today, “What is ‘rape culture’ anyway? I’m tired of hearing about it.”
Yeah, I hear ya. I’m tired of talking about it. But I’m going to keep talking about it because people like you keep asking that question.
Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, no one says, “Stop.”
Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, they can’t get anyone to come forward.
Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and adults are informed of it, but no consequences are doled out because the boys “said nothing happened.”
Rape culture is when a group…
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As those of you who know me – well, know – I have three lovely boys. They’re wonderfully average boys. They are neither brilliant nor miserable. They are rambunctious, but empathetic and loving. And, to date, I have not had any idea or reason to think they will become either astronauts nor axe murderers. I’m the type of mom to consider this success.
I did have a lot of worries about them adjusting to school in the UK, but I was also VERY excited to give them the chance to do so. In the U.S., the schools (and their quality) are very much dependent upon the area where you live. Schools have different curriculum standards state by state, and even local communities can adapt or change curriculum standards. There is national testing, but it is not necessarily a good indicator of what one is good at, only what one has memorized. So, comparing this to the UK educational system left me wondering exactly where and how the boys would fit in. The short answer for my younger two: Quite well.
The youngest is top of his class in Math and in Reading. He’s been moved from year 3 to year 4 for spelling. He has issues with sitting still and being as quietly attentive as the other students do. I think that the U.S. teachers are a bit more permissive when it comes to those types of outbursts. The middle child is top of his class in Math and in Science. He is a bit behind in spelling and in writing (they all have miserable penmanship).
DS2 and DS3 before starting the first day of school
My oldest son is the child I was most worried about. For those new to this blog, he has Autism Spectrum Disorder. He has classic Kanner’s autism, which means he’s not a prodigy or secretly brilliant or a miniature Einstein. He has difficulties with dyspraxia, coordination, fine motor skills, social environments, auditory processing, and abstract concepts. Being unfamiliar with how children with special needs are educated in the U.K. (but VERY familiar with the educational battles of the U.S.), I was really concerned. I felt it was a chance to let him grow and experience new environments, but worried that we were making the wrong choice, that it might be too much for him.
I’m happy to report that every.single.one of those fears was unfounded. I’ve had meetings with the educational boards from two different boroughs (counties) and have not experienced a single bit of red tape. They seem concerned most, and foremost, with making sure that DS1 has the right supports to receive the best education possible FOR HIM. Not the least expensive, not the most expensive, not the least they can get away with. The best ones FOR HIM. They also engage him in the process, asking him what is most difficult for him, what is easiest, where his interests lie, etc. He’s thriving in this environment.
His intake was done quickly. His intake testing was done quickly. He’s had all of his reading levels, math levels, science levels, etc. evaluated and mapped. He continues to excel at memorization (spelling win!) and struggle with abstract analysis (reading comprehension). They have such a clear pulse on his strengths and weaknesses, and they work with me as much as I want them to.
The stress of finding a school that was RIGHT for each of them, figuring out a way to get them to and from school, and hoping against hope we were making the right choices for them – suddenly those stressors seem so very much worth it. I’m not saying one is better than the other. But, in this case, one seems better FOR US. I wouldn’t have found this type of school environment anywhere in the U.S., without paying a large portion of our salary in tuition fees.
This blog has languished in recent months. This is because my OWN schooling, the schooling I’ve been doing for the betterment of – whatever that is – is in its last gasping death throes. I have one week – exactly one week – left. I’m hoping to be able to have more time documenting our transitions in the coming months. In the meantime, here are some more pictures of my handsome children on the first day of school, mostly because they are absolutely gorgeous. Said without bias, I swear!
Posted in Autism, Education, Liverpool | 4 Comments »
A variety of reasons (or excuses) have been made for not posting more recently. Firstly, the last time I posted about a house as if we’d already signed and moved in, it fell out from under our feet. I didn’t want to jinx the whole process yet again. Secondly, life is just hectic right now – I am still working, I am still a full time student, and yet I’m also moving internationally, helping my children adjust, attempting to work with ALL THE BUREAUCRACIES, and trying to find a school for the boys, which is much more difficult than it sounds.
But I can safely report that we are in our home. OUR HOME. It is lovely and provincial and so very much what we need. Our home is not a modernized, easily-heated McMansion in the suburbs. It is also not a dilapidated, falling-apart, impossible to heat behemoth. It is a modernized 150 year old farmhouse that sits on a lovely piece of property and feels a bit like heaven to me. There is a distinct personality to this property- the mixture of an impoverished gentry feel that was given an injection of new money and modernized in ways that are alternately delightful or perplexing. We’re nowhere near finished moving in, and everything is still a little chaotic for my liking.
See? He’s nothing stunning. Just a farmhouse remodeled, that includes the former barn, and has a walk-through annex (which is a fantastic, humongous laundry room, by the way). What is really fabulous about this house is the outside. This is the view from my front garden. It is also the view from my kitchen windows, which wrap all the way around the room.
This is the backyard shortly after sunrise. That statuary is one of the perplexing bits, but is also a piece of the personality of this house.
This house is not in downtown Liverpool but is really only about 20 minutes outside the city center. We are in walking distance of a family pub that serves good food. We walk to the postbox. When I start running again, I will have plenty of hills to challenge me (save me!). I love it here. I mean, I really love it here.
The following is a photodump of other things we’ve done in the house, or bits of the house we love, or bits we find perplexing.
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Posted in Liverpool | Tagged family pub, garden, Home, kitchen, Liverpool, Roughley's Brow House, statue | 11 Comments »
I know I owe a post on the house. And of the adventure retrieving the car. I just can’t 1) Jinx the house by posting about it or 2) Actually relive the experience of getting the car. I want to wait on the restaurant review of Kasbah, for a time I can return and get good pictures. I’ve never done a restaurant review for the blog before – I’m not sure how to go about it. Should I inform the owner or get permission? I’m just unsure of the protocol, being a complete novice.
So this post will be about our trip to Southport to see Rachael and Ross (yes, they are, and yes, we’ve heard the jokes already). Rachael writes the lovely blog Tales from the Village and is one of my favorite people in the whole world. And I think she rather likes this guy she’s with. See?
DH (this morning it was the worst of the interpretations of the acronym) managed to leave our lovely bottles of alcoholic housewarming presents on the counter *and* to put us an hour or more behind schedule (I hate, hate, hate being late). I subsequently almost got us hit by a bus by trying to turn into oncoming traffic – it was my first time driving the car – but we managed to make the trip relatively unscathed. They have a lovely old Victorian home just block from the seaside.
Rachael and Ross served us a delicious lunch of burritos (I had two!) and ooh, a fresh avocado or two were in the mix somewhere. It was scrumptious, and one of the things I already miss. I *will* get a dwarf avocado tree. Someday.
It also happened to be the day of the Southport Air Show, which I hadn’t known in advance but which turned out to be a nice way to spend the day. We walked down to the shore and took pictures of the planes, Ross actually squeed when he saw the Lancaster. That would be this one:
We saw the Lancaster, its escorts (a Spitfire and a Hawker, I think), and a few biplanes.
I was IN LOVE with this wing-walker, and got a lot of amazing shots.
DS1 was impressed (ok, bored) by the show, but he absolutely loved Ross’s aviator helmet getup.
All of the lovely children played well together, and there were only a few injuries of note. We count this as a win. Our three boys, their three boys, and one pre-teen daughter made things VERY interesting, to say the least. Not bad in a house full of wired children!
Rachael and I snuck off to the quiet little attic room and had a long chat without children, save for the ones who occasionally snuck up to check on where their moms were. That’s a safety check, don’t you know?
I can’t wait to go see them again. ❤
***Edited for gross spelling errors and typos. Also, not editing for the ingrained habit of double spacing after a period. It would take me all day long.
Posted in Liverpool | Tagged Lancaster, Liverpool, Ross and Rachael, Southport, Southport Air Show, Tales from the Village, Wing Walker | 4 Comments »
One morning, while Jay was working and the boys and I were doing our best to stay out of tiny little apartment home, we walked down to Albert Dock, where they are doing a demonstration of the tall ships. We’ve been to the tall ships festivals in Boston, in Virginia, and in California. This is a smaller and much more modest festival, but still lovely.
Our favorite ship at Tall Ships was the Kathleen & May. It is an old three masted schooner, which is parked at Albert dock year round. We were allowed to go on board and take pictures. Turns out, the caretakers, Cindy and Jeff, were some of the most lovely people I’ve ever met. Took the boys and I under their wings, brought out biscuits for the boys, and sat and chatted with me because Cindy spent a year or two in California. She sat with me and reminisced. As soon as I have a kitchen again, I will bake her muffins and go deliver them, and invite her to the house for tea.
The regatta was small, but a worthwhile walkaround. The boys had fun, and there were plenty of hot donut and ice cream carts to distract them (and that they pestered me about).
Posted in Liverpool | Tagged Cindy and Jeff, Irish Seas Tall Ships Regatta, Kathleen & May, Liverpool, Pelican of London | Leave a Comment »
Transitions 